


Tears Don't Matter If You're Not Loved

by orphan_account



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce is here, Depression, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki is loved by his bro, M/M, Near Death, Odin is a good dad, Odin's Good Parenting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Thor, Self-Harm, Suicidal Loki, Suicidal Thoughts, Thor Is a Good Bro, and friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-28 12:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5089988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one loves the bad guy... Even if he's reformed.</p><p>There's just no hope for the bad guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forgive Me

The blood flowed freely from the cuts.

It wasn't like Loki cared.

Or anyone.

He was numb to the pain. 

There was a party going on upstairs and no one had noticed he'd slipped away. 

Tears slipped down from his emotionless eyes, and stars danced his vision. Dizziness made his head swim and he leaned back. Letting his eyes close..

_"Reindeer Games!"_

_Loki opened his eyes slowly, knowing that nickname from the one and only. He watched the billionaire toss his umbrella and drop to his knees beside the god of mischief._

_Bruises that are purple, black eye, blood everywhere, broken limbs, and so many wounds. Tony pulled his phone out of his pocket and typed something while taking off his coat and wrapping it around the injured man._

_"N-no... You'll get wet... Please..."_

_Loki tried to resist but his limbs did not move. Tony only shushed him. "Bullshit. I'd be soaked rather."_

_Loki weakly smiled and closed his eyes, his breath failing him._

_"Oh nonono Rudolph. Hang in there buddy. Keep your eyes open and on me, alright? Please don't die on me. Breath in and out. That's it... Eyes on me."_

_The injured man tried to keep his breath even and eyes on Tony. He trailed his eyes to his blood staining his clothes._

_He blacked out and came back but he was in Thor's arms, who looked frantic and about to cry. The rest of the Avengers looking at him worriedly. Like they had been calling him._

_"B-brother..... Than....thank y-you...man...of...iro...."_

Loki snapped back to reality as he had pressed down on a cut to far, and it bled more furiously, but he didn't care. Just let it be and set down the knife. 

"J-Jarvis...." 

' _Yes, Mr. Odinson?'_

Swallowing thickly he stood, shaking and holding onto the wall. "I..uh.... Please do not reveal my location to the others. Say I am sleeping and wish to be alone. Let no one in." 

' _But Sir-'_

"That will be all Jarvis."

_'Yes, Mr Odinson.'_

The AI went silent and Loki sighed. He knew that the Artificial Intelligence knew about his problem and greatly tried to advise him but no progress.

As he got on the elevator to the roof, he held back tears.

_Loki awoke to arms wrapped securely around him, as if he'd disappear. To no surprise Thor was tightly and sound sleep around his little brother._

_"Good evening."_

_Loki jumped and turned his head to find Bruce Banner sitting on a chair, looking at a StarkPad. "Don't worry Loki. I won't hulk out on ya. I got it."_

_The trickster just curled into his brother, trying to soothe his fears and brushed his hand across Thor's cheek. Watching the thunder god relax in his sleep._

_Bruce sat chewing on his lip. Not knowing what to say. But cleared his throat to get the other man's attention._

_"You took a pretty nasty fall. The majority of your wounds still remain but they aren't as bad as before."_

_The doctor checked his IV to make sure Loki didn't pull it out in his sleep._

_Again._

_"How long..."_

_"About two weeks."_

_Loki almost choked and jerked out of bed if weren't for his attachment. "Two weeks?!"_

_"Yeah... You slipped in and out of consciousness."_

_Loki felt a shudder go down his spine and lip tremble. He remembers now. Tony. The blood. The rain. And kicking someone in the stomach as he felt himself go panic. Or was it punch? Or both?_

The elevator ding made him jump but prepare for what was to come. This was it. No more faking death. Time to face it. 

Walking into the cool November air, he looked over the edge, and made his stomach enter a gymnastics competition. 

Sitting on the edge he looked at the sky.

_Loki wandered around the Tower. Three months living there he's fully healed, but no one still knows how he got his condition. He hasn't told._

_It was his birthday. He was looking for Thor so he could tell. But he couldn't find him. Odd._

_"Jarvis. Find Thor."_

_'Mr. Odinson is with the other Avengers on the penthouse level.'_

_Loki with ever so happy smile on his face, couldn't wait to tell Thor. As soon as the elevator stopped he hopped off running to find Thor, Tony, Natasha and Clint playing Mario Kart. Bruce and Steve watched nearby laughing and cheering them on._

_"Brothe-"_

_"Not now Loki. Whatever it is can wait."_

_He stopped himself. He bit his tongue to draw blood. His cursed tongue. His damned cursed tongue._

_Dread filled Loki up like a pitcher and water. He shook and tears filled his green eyes._

_He was so excited. Well now that's gone. Placing an invisibility spell on himself he turned away. He could wait. It didn't matter._

_He didn't matter._

_It's not like he did anyway._

Loki choked and cried. He finally cried. But stopped himself. This was his belated gift. He should be happy.

"Happy birthday to me.... Happy birthday....to...me.... No one cares about Loki...." 

His fingers lost their grip and he slid. Adrenaline running through him and fear struck him like Mjolnir. Releasing a scream he dared to close his eyes.

But a hand grabbed his arm. His not scarred arm.

"...Happy birthday... To you.." 

Opening his eyes slowly, he looked at Bruce. His crush he had given up on. Who mirrored the same panic on his face. 

Bruce pulled Loki up and wrapped his arms around him tightly, like he was going to disappear.

Something snapped in Loki and he cried. All that pent up emotion for 4 months. It flowed out if him endless. Bruce just held him tighter. Rocking and humming to soothe the broken god. 

"I'm s-....sorry..."

"You should be.... You nearly gave me a heart attack Loki! _What were you thinking?!_

Bruce had Loki at arms length, shaking him and Loki wanted nothing more than to just slip into Bruce's hold and ignore the world. He was practically shouting.

"You wouldn't care if I disappeared of the face of the earth." Loki spat at Bruce who looked a little green in his eyes. "I...uh...please calm down..." 

"CALM DOWN?! Loki....." The scientist counted numbers and closed his eyes regaining himself. "Loki. You know there are people who love you." 

"As much as the dirt beneath their feet." 

Bruce's hold on Loki's arm caused him to wince. Loki prayed to the Allfather he wouldn't- 

"Loki.........."

Well fuck that idea. 

The said man was about to protest as he yanked down his sleeve but Bruce pulled him to his feet. Going to the elevator neither of them Said a word but the other man took Loki to the floor of the party. It was actually ending. 

"Thor!" 

The bulky man turned and the Avengers watched. "Brother you seem pa-" 

"Aren't I always?" 

Loki used the mini distraction to seal up every scar, which hurt since there were so many, but Thor wasn't stupid and looked down when his little brother had unconsciously pulled down his sleeve. 

Thor pushes the sleeve up and his remaining scars. Still oh so many, revealed to everyone. 

The stinging pain from the palm of Thor's hand was followed with the slap echo. 

"Are you mad? What is the meaning of this?! Self harm?! Are you troubled brother? Do you think you are not loved enough to bring damage upon your own self and draw blood?! Is that your solution?! 

"He was going to commit suicide."

That caught everyone by surprise. 

Loki just let the tears run. "If you are so suprised, yes. Yes I was. And don't act like you care because you clearly don't, and if you did I wouldn't be cutting would I?! Think about your inconsiderate selves and wonder why but fuck you all." 

Pushing down his sleeve once again he teleported off, to his room as he fell to his knees. Crying and dreadful. 

He was a mess.


	2. For the Arms I need to be In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just feel so bad for Loki, I'm so evil as an author. ;-; Forgive me.
> 
> Marvel not mine.

Loki had reopened every single one of his cuts. Blood flowed and Loki just cried until he couldn't. He hiccuped on the cool floor of his room and sniffed, drifting in and out of sleep. The dreamless rest left him empty, no occasional nightmare to give him a jolt. He felt so exposed. In front of them all, he was exposed. He reached his hand up to his cheek, where his so called brother had laid his hand in a harsh slap. Norns why him? He could run away now. While he still had the chance. No one would notice, he could do it. 

Standing on unstable feet, he teleported back to the living room, after putting a spell to where he was invisible to others, to collect some books he wanted to bring. 

"-just feel so bad, have we really been ignoring him?" 

Loki picked up the book from the coffee table and froze, looking at the rest. He should really go but he wanted to hear this. So he sat on the floor, deciding to fix his cuts only to scars, eyeing Bruce's rigid movement and shaky hands. "Well I didn't think we were." Clint had his lips in a straight line and brows furrowed, as if trying to think it through. Loki resisted the urge to strangle him. How the hell were they supposed to know they were ignoring him and treating him like shit. 

Well first off speaking, Loki did not want attention like a bitch. He wanted to feel loved and like he belonged, but now he felt like a prisoner. A badly treated one. He weighed his options of looking into his mind and decided not. 

"I have noticed Loki's actions, but I didn't think it to be serious. Like, commit suicide serious." Natasha's face was unreadable but Loki didn't want to poke through her mind either. 

Steve gnawed on the inside of his cheek. "Shouldn't someone go check on him? I mean he must feel awful." And the idiot of the year award goes to Captain Obvious! Well duh he's feeling awful! Like shit!! But of course after having everyone find out about your self harm and depression you're going to be happy peppy whoo whoo charm. Tony answered with something but Loki wasn't listening, he was looking at the two quiet ones. Thor and Bruce. Thor's mind was blank and Bruce's had a million questions going at once.

He felt the hulk roar at the intrusion and Loki immediately stopped, but he noticed Bruce look around the room, with Thor's brows rising as he felt the all too familiar magic swim through his head. They both had felt him. God damn. 

Standing and teleporting into his room, he flopped on his bed, stomach growling from days of starvation, but he turned down the idea of food and fell into yet another, dreamless sleep. 

When he had awoke, he heard shuffling and his door opening and closing, his mind still not fully awake to register. Blinking open the green orbs, he focused them on Black Widow, who was staring down at him in the moonlight shining through the window. "If you're here to kill me, please do so." he said slipping his eyes closed.

"No Loki." 

The redhead pulled up a chair next to his bed. After a long silence He spoke again, just wanting to disappear. He could but his energy was drained. "How'd you get in?"

"Jarvis let me in because even the AI knows and cares for you Loki. You think we don't but we do. Thor does, Tony does, I do-"

"Why did you come here only to lie straight through your teeth? I am the god of lies so don't even start. Do not say that because it's lies, all lies! If you cared, I wouldn't be this broken! So shut the hell up because you're lying to me, I know it!!"

"You're letting yourself be this broken Loki!! You're filling your head with lies to block out the truth. We know we haven't been treating you the best, and we admit to our wrong doings. Whatever we may have done. Come on, let's go to the common area, we'll get through this together." 

The female held out a hand and he cried using every ounce of his body to stop from taking it. He would not face them, he wouldn't. He just fucking couldn't do it. Loki shook his head like a child refusing vegetables. Tears fell from his eyes and he turned away from her. "I'm sorry.." 

He felt her arms wrap around him and she was rocking him, and singing a russian lullaby. He fell into a sleep, this one had a dream but it slowly morphed into nightmare and back, as if he self conscious was confused in the truth. 

 

Thankfully when he woke Natasha was gone, but he longed to be in arms again. Bruce's arms... When he held Loki on the roof, his heart actually felt like it was warming, tingles went through his toes and fingers, like he was being brought back to life. He needed to see him again. He'll try. 

The god tried to stand, but his head, legs, and stomach protested with throbbing pain. His energy was low even if he got that well deserved nap. He swayed dangerously but was caught by two bulky arms, and that would be Thor. Or Steve. Think it's Thor. 

"Careful Loki, you will injure yourself trying to stand, rest a little longer." 

The younger of the two did not protest but allowed the older to lay him back on the bed. The thunder god sat back in the chair Natasha sat in and Loki stared into his eyes, silently questioning him. "I could not bear to see you, like this, so I wanted to speak with you. In your condition brother, it hurts me to see you like this, for you cause your own pain." 

"I-Idiot." 

Loki's voice betrayed him with cracks and his head hurt. He just wanted to lay there and do nothing the rest of his life. Thor said nothing but brushed the cheek he slapped him on gently. The mischief maker doing nothing but leaning into the warmth, closing his eyes. He felt Thor draw back, but crawl in bed with him, holding his baby brother close. 

He felt the need to cry, but didn't. He wouldn't cry. The warm spread through him, but he wanted Bruce. He needed to talk with him but for now, damned sleep was taking over. 

Maybe he was dying slowly and he needed to be in the arms of someone to live. Could be true.

Whatever was happening, he just wanted some warmth to keep his heart going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOT WOOT! Finally! Next chapter Tony and Loki talk. Sorry, no Bruce till like I don't know, four I'm guess. So sorry guyyyyyssssss!


	3. Misunderstand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, chapter 3. Tony and Loki have a chat and Thor gets to coddle with his baby brother.

_"Hey Reindeer Games, do you mind if you could go get me and Brucie Bear some more coffee?" Tony didn't look up from his project but with Loki's sigh and the sound of a moving chair, he figured he agreed._

_Loki got up and went to go fetch Iron ass and Bruce some of the midgardian coffee. Once He walked out he heard Tony start to giggle and talk to Bruce but Loki thought nothing of it. When he returned he found Tony backing away and Bruce turning into Hulk which equaled into bad so he set the coffee down and rushed in front of him and held up his hands. Stupid Tony._

_"Hey, hey...  It's o-ok big guy, no harm, no danger just.... Calm.. That's it..."_

_Bruce's breathing slowed and his skin tone turned back slowly, the Hulk safely tucked away back in his mind and Tony was surprised that the god could even calm him cause now, he'd probably be on his way to the hospital. "Ugh...Thanks Loki."_

_Bruce threw a glare at Tony who had a smirk on his face and grabbed his coffee, returning to his work and entering his own science-y world of his own. **  
**_

_Loki still couldn't process things but decided to go ahead and leave it so he left the lab without a word._

_What The shit just happened?_

Loki opened his eyes and once again, felt worse than before. Rest did not help at all and he sat up, head throbbing with pain. He stood despite his leg's protest and headed for the kitchen. 

Fuck his life. 

Inside, he thought about eating but his stomach agreed but disagreed. He was hungry but not hungry. Okay then! 

So he nibbled on some crackers and drank some water to quench his thirst.

"Reindeer Games, you look sick."

Green eyes slowly traveled over to Tony Stark, who walked over with a serious look despite the greeting. "Well you don't look all bright either. " Tony chuckled and shook his head. He grabbed some scotch then sat next to Loki, watching him with that serious expression. "Loki..." The said man looked down and felt his stomach jump with his head pounding. "Don't Stark. Just don't. I need not to remember what happened early." He stood to leave  but Tony blocked his way, looking into his eyes. "Loki, just....hear me out. Ok?" Brown eyes stared into green until the broken god sat down finally. "I'm listening...."

"When I found you, all beat up and bruised like that, I didn't know what to do really. You were the enemy, but then I looked into your eyes. You were defenseless, no tricks, no illusions, you were really hurt. I knew I couldn't abandon you or Thor would hand me my ass. Probably for real. I brought you here, you were cared for. I actually have a heart. You think we don't care but we do. Yeah, I admit that we kinda treated you like you were still the villain or just a nobody but it's kinda hard to treat you right from the start. We're trying our best to do what Thor asked and do you right. It's even harder for Clint since you...er...brainwashed him. Cut us some slack, we're trying our best Reindeer Games." 

Loki tried to listen the best way he could through the pounding of his head. But he heard enough and stared at Tony. He felt like crying but his eyes remained dry and the lump in his throat grew bigger. Loki tried to form words but they kept flying out the window. Damn. With no response Tony chuckled and grabbed some more scotch to down. "You were so shy. Fury nearly fucking took you down. Ah goof memories. And you fucking punched me in the stomach while you kicked Clint in your nightmares. Think China heard your screams."

"I.......I'm sorry. Know I'm sorry." 

"Nah, don't be Antlers, you're alright. We're still warming up to you, it'll take a while but while you're here. You're part of our wild family." Tony stood and walked out stopping at the doorway. "Oh and Rudolph!"Loki looked up and Tony smirked. "What was said in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen." He winked and walked off. 

"Voice in Tony's walls, do you mind deleting that clip that just happened."

_"Already done Mr. Odinson."_

Loki grabbed a few more crackers and walked out back to his room, but his legs dragged and energy low. He needed Thor. Ugh, as much as he'll regret this later but he wanted to talk to him. He made 

A detour to his floor and stopped at his room, this was awkward. What would he say? He swayed on his spot and his knees bucked. He wouldn't hold for long. He fought in his mind when the door flew open and scaring whatever light Loki had outta him. Thor the big oaf grew a wide smile, but then frowned as he grew confused. 

"Loki! You are outside of my door." 

The god of mischief tried to grow a glare but it failed and he pushed past him and flopped on his bed, just enjoying the Thor smell. "Loki?" 

"Shut up. I'm not feeling well....and....just shut up..it's hard." 

There was silence then shuffling and the bed dipped next to him. "Loki...." Tears finally fell and his voice cracked. "I want to....talk..." 

Thor had never felt so much sympathy for his baby brother. He was going to enjoy the moment while it last. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am like, not sorry. ;-; Don't kill me. Loki needs a hug, and a shoulder to cry on. And there's not enough BrucexLoki wah.  
> Sorry for mistakes.


End file.
